Op-Ed: To be Forgotten — Domestic Violence In the Age of Catastrophes
After talking to hundreds of Domestic Violence victims and their families, the stories I hear are uniquely heartbreaking and yet alike in so many devastating ways. Someone saw the violence. Someone saw the abuser’s manipulation. Everyone kept believing that it would get better. It never did. Sometimes a victim is able to escape. Sometimes they are murdered.
On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States, equaling to more than 10 million women and men a year. More than half of female homicide victims are killed in connection to domestic violence, according to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC). This is a national crisis and must be addressed. These tragedies can be prevented, but it falls on all of us to act together.
As October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I wanted to share with you a little of what I’ve learned as a policymaker in the California Legislature, national advocate, and domestic violence survivor.
I have the unique experience of first confronting my violent abuser, overcoming the feelings of shame and embarrassment to publicly share my story, to now crafting legislation that actually protects victims rather than their abusers. I’ve also encouraged survivors to tell their stories. I’ve learned, in the telling, they are able to regain their voice and power. These stories are not easy to tell, and they are not easy to hear.
Survivors and supporters have worked diligently for years to push this issue out of the shadows, asking lawmakers and the public to listen to uncomfortable truths. It’s only by facing the facts that change can happen. Much like the MeToo Movement fundamentally changed how the public viewed sexual harassment and sexual assault, domestic violence advocacy, fueled by courageous victims, has begun to alter society’s perceptions.
But more urgent work needs to be done. Right now, for everyone we help, three others fall through the cracks because of lax laws, lack of funding, or friends and family missing the signals to safely intervene and hoping for a better day. That day never comes. We know what abusers do. They work outside the perimeters of a faulty system. It only takes a moment for a victim to be hit, choked, or shot and killed. This is an ongoing fear for all survivors.
The movement to end domestic violence across the United States is growing, but the attention and legislative will has suffered in the face of a catastrophic pandemic, devastating wildfires, political polarization, and a worsening economy. While understandable, it’s misguided and lacks the long-term vision that is critically needed. Unfortunately, it’s these types of calamities that give cover to abusers and silence victims again.
In times of natural disasters and crises, rates of intimate partner violence historically rise, especially among households experiencing significant financial strain. The pandemic has proven this historical trend to be a reality for survivors of domestic violence. Increased isolation of victims has created an ideal situation for an abuser with abuse more likely to go undetected and never reported.
We need to press on the accelerator on domestic violence policies, awareness and support, because sometimes we forget, while there are other important issues, intimate partner violence doesn’t let up. In fact, it only gets worse if we are not on top of things and try to make it safer for victims. This is about life or death. Murdered victims don’t get a second chance. We need to hold each other and the system accountable to end domestic violence.
If you need help, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1–800–799–7233.